Bonnie Gayle Founder of Sex Butter & Body Liberator
There is always inspiration behind every creation and mine wasn’t necessarily what you may think…
My story has been an amazing road with many twists and turns along the way leading me to the conclusion that if I really wanted to feel whole what was imperative for me was to really connect with and tap into my body fully, love my body as it is and feel comfortable with any changes I choose to make. I never realized the impact feeling disconnected from my body was having on my life. My transformation into the woman I am today is a powerful story that many people can related to and wow, what a different person I’ve become!
A little about me… I grew up in a traditional Jewish family where boys were revered so I found myself acting like a tomboy and being in a masculine state of mind most of the time. I was athletic, got straight A’s in school, extremely competitive in everything I did, and at home I infused myself into conversations I had no interest in such as sports and politics. No matter what I did, the feelings of emptiness and “not being good enough” were always on my mind. The problem was, I was looking for something to help make me feel good outside of myself instead of looking within.
Because I was looking for that love outside of myself, it’s not surprising to me that from a very young age I had sexual predators around me (not having anything to do with my family). My first sexual exposure that I can recall was at the age of 5 or 6 when I witnessed a man masturbating in his car while walking to elementary school. By the time I was 14, I was attacked by a guy stark naked on my way to the track, and at age 16, I was date-raped.
From the ages of 14-29, I was consistently sexually harassed via phone every night by a strange man who was stalking me. All of these things made me scared and were challenging in all sorts of ways. After the rape, having nobody to turn to because I didn’t want anyone to know I ended up punishing myself by engaging in a self destructive and dangerous eating disorder that almost took my life at 28 years old. My healing, I now see as experiences that led me to the answer of “why am I here,” or what others call “my life’s purpose”. I am truly grateful for it all… the challenges, the triumphs and the growth I have experienced through it all.
Just When I Thought Life Was Getting Less Bumpy…
At 41, I went into early peri-menopause and my body shut down overnight. I was in constant pain even walking around and any form of penetrative lovemaking was excruciatingly painful. All the work I had done to open up and learn to love myself was in danger of being lost and I was totally beside myself.
Mentally and emotionally I was in my sexual prime, however, my body had other plans. On my journey after researching what was happening to me I realized that I was at a fork-in-the- road many women would encounter in their lifetime. In order to personally avoid total shutdown, I searched for something healthy to revitalize my libido and help me feel sexually alive again. At the time, there was nothing.
Sexual health became important to me. As I was looking into what was available in the form of vaginal moisturizers and sexual lubes, I was shocked at the harmful and toxic ingredients being used. I realized that most women & men don’t know the ingredients of products and toys we use on and in our body (especially our vagina – which has NO filter).
Being the determined girl that I am, I refused to give up and instead found a microbiologist to work with on the creation of Sex Butter; an organic, all-natural, (paraben-free, hormone-free) sexual lube that turns your body on. Today, women in many countries are feeling sexual desire again, soothe sexual pain, and well lubricated because they are using Sex Butter. I was grateful to be able to birth a product that is a healthy alternative to the toxic sex lubes on the market today found in sex shops, drug stores and markets.
As I was marketing Sex Butter and engaging in conversations around sexual health at networking and women’s events, much of the time I found that women would turn and walk away. So I started researching and found that 80-90% of women have huge body image issues which directly affects their sexual openness. Sex is still a very taboo topic and even though I was talking about sexual healing and sexual health I wasn’t being well received because of the deeper issue.
And then came Body Liberation, helping women to heal their painful thoughts, feelings, and actions they felt and were taking upon themselves. Bath Talks was a campaign where women got into the bathtub speaking about how and what they felt about their body and how it affected their lives.
Body Image & Sexual Health have become very popular topics over the last few years. I hope to help women heal from painful sex (Dyspareunia) and enjoy great sex throught their lives and stop hating how they look whether it’s their tummy, thighs, butt, wrinkles, scars and overall appearance. The first step to positive change is accepting and loving yourself where you are in the moment and then if you desire making healthy changes.
XOX Bonnie Gayle